Parshas Acharei Mos - Kedoshim

Parshas Kedoshim opens by instructing us to be Holy - Kedoshim tihiyu. The very next words bid us to to revere our parents. Has the Torah moved on to the next Mitzva without even expelling the mitzva of being holy? The student of the Torah is always aware that the divine Author uses juxtapositions to convey additional information. It seems clear from this perspective that honoring ones parents is juxtaposed to "being holy" to teach us that honoring parents is an avenue perhaps even a primary avenue to becoming Holy.

This morning we named a new daughter in our congregation. Last week we celebrated a Bar Mitzva and G-d willing will do the same next week. A few weeks ago we celebrated the engagement of two children of our congregation. All of these are Holy events. The culmination of much hard work. I have recently come to realize that there is another life cycle that is even Holier and it is becoming more and more a part of our congregation. The life cycle "event" I refer to is the care of our elderly. I find an ever growing part of my rabbinate is to provide support and sometimes advice to those in our congregation who are dealing with the challenges of elder care. This is also true of my personal life.
One of the reasons elder care challenges are difficult is because they are multi faceted including financial and emotional. However it seems to me the greatest reason elder care is so challenging is that no one prepares for it. Childbirth has classes and coaches. Bar Mitzvas have teachers and planners. Schools counselors and psychologists help us raise our children and thankfully we now have Rabbi Pollocks Jewish Marriage Initiative. Who really plans for the challenges of caring for parents as they age? This issue is especially acute in our youth oriented, pleasure seeking society which segregates people into their own age groups. Quite frankly most of us would rather not think about it. So I would like to take a few minutes to explain why I believe the Torah links reverence of parents to Holiness.
Let me be clear that the Torahs instruction to revere parents is not confined to elder care. However it seems to me that only those who revere their parents will be able to rise to the challenge of caring for them in their old age. When we revere our parents we don't hold their infirmities against them and we don't look down on them. Rather we open our hearts to them. And if we harbor unresolved issues with our parents, reverence for the fact that they created us teaches us to let our issue go. In life we can't wait for satisfaction we have responsibility.
Our elders teach of the fraility of life and the vitality we enjoy every day. From our elders we learn that all of our abilities are truly a gift from Hashem. The abilty to tie a necktie or put on a coat unassisted. We also learn that he will inevitably take these gifts back. If this is so how should we use those gifts.

Our elders often appear petty or unreasonable or obsessed with having something done just so. What do we learn about our pettiness or the unreasonable requirements that we place on those around us.

Our elders often don't care much about what everybody else is all worked up about. Fads trends and the latest 'new and improved' don't really excite them. Is there perhaps a lesson in there for us.

To me most importantly our elders teach us patience. Patience in every sense of the word. While I am learning the lesson of patience I have to ask myself where do I need to go anyway? Why is my agenda so important and of course who will wait for me when my time comes. By the way let me tell you are story of patience that occurred to me. As we all know if you need to get down Tilly Mill Rd. when the college is letting out forget it. The traffic has to stop and start as it works its way through the stoplight at N. Peachtree. Earlier this week I found myself stuck in the backup. I decided that instead of zooming ahead then parking as each group goes through the light I would just let the car idle along at 2 or 3 mph not touching the gas or the brake. Of course the traffic got way ahead of me but as they were stopped I caught up. All of this was too much for the car behind me. He honked and when I didn't speed up he zoomed around me and caught up with the traffic. Of course 30 seconds later I pulled up behind him and guess what I did? I honked. And honked again the next time I caught up with him and the next. After the third time he leaned out of the window and hollered at me "I resign from the board". Why don't we have patience? Where are we going?
Boruch Hashem we are part of an integrated community. We share the shul lobby with wheelchairs and strollers. The verse in the Torah says mipnay sayva takum / you should rise before sayva which means we are supposed to stand when elders enter the room. How old is sayva? The mishna in Pirkei Avos says that sayva is seventy and gevuros is 80. Although people say that nowadays gevuros is the new sayva.
All of the other stages of life have their challenges but they have their rewards. Childrearing, marriage are all demanding but they have their payback. Reverence of parents seems to me to have only one reward. It makes us Holy.